Friday, August 18, 2006

Selling Advertising Space Must Suck

Ring Ring (I have a phone that does actually ring, wierd huh?)

ME (Polite) " Hello GlowGadgets, Doc Speaking"

CALLER " Hi can I speak with Chris Taylor please"

ME (Huh, Who's this?) " Speaking, How can I help you?

CALLER (Very Animated) " How are you Chris? I have been looking at your website and I am really impressed with the great gadgets you have there, I would like to order a few of those products myself"

ME (Maybe he's an over friendly customer)" Centainly, which products can I interest you in today?"

CALLER "I'm not too sure, I just need to ask you a few questions"

ME " Sure, fire away"

CALLER " How's business doing? Do you get many sales"

ME "We do alright thanks, how can I help you today?"

CALLER "You must advertise to get all your customers"

ME (Curious) " What are you selling?"

CALLER " I'm not selling anything, well not anything that wouldn't bring you a fantastic return on your investment. You would like to have more qualified customers visiting your website and spending more than they do now, wouldn't you?"

ME (Slightly annoyed) " Well there is only so much I can do and I don't want to be over run with customers, I am perfectly happy the way it is thanks"

CALLER " You do want your company to be sucessful don't you, we can help you grow and bring many more customers to your website"

ME " I'm not interested in doing any paper advertising thanks"

CALLER "Oh no, we have a the busiest and best Gadget website in the UK, we get 1000,s of visitors a week looking for your products. We could send them to and watch your profits grow"

ME (Slightly interested again) "Oh!"

CALLER " Are you sitting by a computer that's online at this moment?

ME (Duh!) "Yes"

CALLER " Visit our site www.******, see those links to shops on the left hand site of the page, those are the most clicked on links, aside from the image links on the right. The card rate for one of those is £200 a month, but I can do you deal and get it for half price of £100 per month for three months"

ME "£100 for one link, websites link to each other for free. You want me to pay for a link, are you mad?"

CALLER " Ah yes, but all our visitor are looking for your products and we can give you much better visability in the market place"

ME "£100 for one link, you are joking arn't you. What is your name anyway?"

CALLER " Marc, Marc Weather****"

ME "Well Marc Marc, I have never even heard of your website before and I don't think it would be worth my while. Now if you were calling from Engadget or Gizmodo then I would maybe consider talking with you longer, but I really am busy, sorry"

MARC "Oh but we have reveiws of all the latest gadgets and people come to us for our reviews. We could review your products when you advertise with us."

ME "So, if I had a link on your very busy website, what happens when I want a product of mine reviewed? Would you review it and give me editorial"

MARC " Oh yes, all you would do is send us the product, or products whatever you would like us to review for you"

ME (Sounds more interesting) " So you'd give an impartial review and link to my website for free. Would I get my gadgets back"

MARC " Yes if you really wanted them back we could do that. It's not free however, it costs only £250 per review"

ME (Choking)"What? I provide you with products for you to review, on your site, which is a review site. That I may or may not get back, and I have to pay you for the pleasure of providing you with content"

MARC "Yes, but you would get a lot of exposure"

ME "No really, I have a lot to do here, I have listened to you and I don't think that is something I want to do right now. I am adding new products to the website and I don't feel like I should be paying for advertising that may or may not work, thanks anyway. I really have to go, I have customers to look after and your call is hogging the line. By the way, which number did you call?"

MARC "Er, the 0800 number..."

ME "So this call is costing me money too. Thanks Marc, all the best with your site. I will carry on as I am"

MARC "Is it ok if I call you in a month and see how you are getting along"

ME "Yeah, whatever, I really have to go"

MARC "OK, Bye, I'll speak with you in a month"

ME "Right, bye then"

That was an edited and approximation of the conversation, it was no way verbatim, but pretty close

Every month he has called back and given me a different offer, last month I almost fell for this amazing package he offered which included "Home Page Ad Link" and "Shopping Partner" and possibly a review. I changed my mind last minute, I don't need their advertising.

Really I just wanted him to stop calling and if these other advertiser were doing it, it must be working for them. But there is only so much work I can handle. I am only one person, I do everthing. I don't want treble or even double the business I have now. I couldn't cope. I like it the way it is thankyou, working from home, seeing my little girls as much as I can and that is busy enough as it is.

MARC called again today, wanting to know why I pulled out last time, I said that "I had come to my senses, and besides my site is on every gadget blog there is out there right now, thanks to the Dareway, it just means my site is busier, it doesn't mean that these people are going to buy anything"

MARC "What? your advertising on them?"

ME " No, they have decided to write about one of my products and it hasn't cost me penny"]

MARC " "

ME " Hello, are you there?....Hello?... The F***ers hung up on me"

Marc Weather**** from www.****** don't bother calling again. You have wasted enough of my time, even me writing all this may be a waste of time. But if it helps one person with a small business, it has been worth it. Cold callers and canvessers, how do you feel being rejected all the time? Why not try doing something useful and stop bothering people who are trying to get work done. You are time wasting Jerkoffs who should really take a good look at what you are doing with your pathetic life and Sort Yourself Out, and stop bugging me. And I mean that in a nice way of course.
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